How many stressful, frustrating conversations have left you feeling angry, hurt, misunderstood, or physically and emotionally drained? Effective communication helps improve your health and wellness by decreasing stress and fostering healthy relationships. This can help improve your physical, mental, emotional, and social health. Manifest Excellence guest author Candice Suarez teaches us an effective and easy to remember strategy to help you confidently approach an otherwise anxiety provoking conversation. Add this stress management tool to your personal wellness toolkit and pull it out the next time you need to have one of “those” conversations.
Be well,
Dr. Donna
We have all been there…an argument with a friend, a disagreement with a co-worker, a miscommunication with our spouse. At the height of emotion, we sometimes say things we wish we hadn’t said. Sometimes we go on the attack, and sometimes we are attacked. Sometimes nothing gets accomplished, communicated, or heard because our emotions take over. But how do we get our point across without sounding rude, aggressive, or controlling? And how do we listen and take in another’s viewpoint without being taken advantage of? Well, I introduce the conversation sandwich. It’s a really simple technique that allows us to be assertive without being abrasive; all while allowing for listening and compromise.
First rule of thumb…when you are too angry or upset to think clearly, give yourself time and space to calm down before you speak. When you are ready and calm enough to speak, the conversation sandwich is as follows:
Top Bun: Begin by talking about positives in your relationship. For example, “I really like that I can always count on you” or “I have so much fun hanging out with you.” By sharing what is good about your relationship, your friend will be more prepared to be collaborative and problem-solving about what you have to say next.
The Meat: This is where you get to the heart of your issue. Begin by stating clearly and concisely the problem as you see it. Make sure that you begin with YOUR feelings…..not by accusing and finger-pointing. Use the following format:
I feel_________when you________and I need_________.
This might look like this…. “I feel betrayed when you don’t stick up for me and I need you to speak up when others say mean things to me.” “I’m angry that you took credit for my idea, and I need you to tell everyone the truth.”
The Condiments: If there is a need for brainstorming and problem-solving, it should happen after your “I message.” You should allow your friend to speak and give their point of view. You should also brainstorm solutions that would work for both of you and come to a compromise if necessary.
The Bottom Bun: This is where you come to a conclusion. The 2 of you should make next steps as to how to proceed from this point, what happens if the situations repeats itself, and how the solution will be carried out.
It should be noted that if at any point the other party is not receptive to calmly working on the problem, you should politely end the conversation. It takes 2 people to compromise. The most important thing is to both leave the conversation feeling heard, respected, and with a clear plan for the future.
About Donna L. Hamilton, MD
Holistic Wellness Speaker and Wellness Luminary Donna Hamilton, MD has a mission to help everyone live the healthy, satisfying lives they’re meant to lead. She champions a comprehensive approach to health by addressing mental, emotional, social, spiritual & physical well-being. Dr. Hamilton passionately teaches what being healthy really means and how to do it in a way that fits your unique needs. Visit www.ManifestExcellence.com for more information and to book Dr. Hamilton for a speaking engagement.
About the Author:
Candice Suarez is a National Certified Counselor-National Certified School Counselor currently working in Behavioral Health as a Mobile Therapist/Behavior Specialist Consultant. Through this position, she works with children and families with behavioral disorders and children on the autism spectrum. She develops treatment planning, provides consultation to families and schools, and facilitates training and supervision to direct support personnel. She has 9 years experience as a School Counselor in both Elementary and Middle School settings where she provided one-on-one and small group counseling as well as teaching classroom guidance lessons on topics such as conflict resolution, friendships, problem-solving, goal setting, career exploration, anger management, learning styles and multiple intelligences.
A wellness thought leader, she champions a comprehensive approach to health by addressing mental, emotional, social, spiritual & physical well-being with a simple and potent message. Her book Wellness Your Way offers a practical strategy to assist readers in creating a happier, healthier life. For more information or to book Dr. Hamilton for speaking engagements visit www.ManifestExcellence.com or www.DonnaHamiltonMD.com
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This is very helpful and I will use your suggestions. Thanks.