Emotional Excavation – Embracing and Understanding How You Feel

by | Oct 18, 2011 | Emotional Wellness, Self-Care, Wellness Tips & Information

By: Alexis Walters

Emotions can feel frightening, nebulous, confusing, painful, freeing, life-giving, cathartic, and so much more. They are our felt experience of our lives and of ourselves. In the purest sense, emotion consists of sensation felt in the physical body. However, because our bodies and minds are inextricably linked, our emotions take on an intellectual component. This is where things begin to get sticky. What begins as a simple sensation becomes layered with the beliefs, value-judgments, and assumptions we harbor within us. Let’s take a look at how you can use your emotions to uncover those hidden beliefs and use them to better understand and embrace who you are.

Various life experiences, family dynamics, and innate characteristics make us individuals and form our “conditioning”. Our conditioning determines our core beliefs, what we value, and what we judge as undesirable. There is no such thing as a perfect childhood and ultimately, we all internalize some self-deprecating messages which become our self-judgments. Our emotions are the most effective tool for exposing and coming to terms with those judgments.

The list below includes several emotions (though this is by no means an exhaustive list) which are divided into anger based, fear and sadness based, and loving emotions. Though this is not true of everyone, many people experience anger based emotions more readily than fear and sadness based emotions. Anger offers a certain self-righteous satisfaction. It defends us against our more vulnerable emotions and the self-judgments they are tied to. It also keeps our focus external so that it appears our pain is being caused by people or circumstances outside of us rather than by our debilitating self-judgments. By exploring what underlies our reactionary, anger based emotions, we can get to the more vulnerable feelings this defense system is hiding. Try taking an example from your own life and work through the steps outlined below.

Anger Based Emotions

Contemptuous

Enraged

Jealous

Irritated

Frustrated

Resentful

Competitive

Unappreciated

Unrecognized

Offended

Victimized

Indignant

Anger based emotions are “masking emotions”. They are typically the first thing we go to as they are less vulnerable and offer a false sense of empowerment. Look for the more vulnerable emotions below the anger.

Example: I felt irritated when no one listened to my ideas at the staff meeting today.

Fear/Sadness Based Emotions

Ashamed

Melancholic

Grief

Lonely

Unlovable

Empty

Sorrowful

Helpless

Misery

Despairing

Worthless

Incompetent

Embarrassed

Guilty

Confused

Worthless

Doubtful

Useless

Anxious

Fear and sadness based emotions are usually what our anger is hiding. These emotions are evidence of the self-judgments we hold within us. If these judgments remain unconscious, we are destined to react to our feelings unconsciously. By becoming aware of our emotions and judgments, we can understand what triggers us and respond in a conscious way.

Example: Underneath my anger I feel incompetent and useless. I realize that my reaction in the meeting today was a result of my self-judgment that I am not a competent employee. (Note – A self-judgment does not represent all of your self-perception. It may be just a tiny piece of how you think of yourself. Denial makes this tiny piece powerful, exposing and allowing it will put it in perspective.)

Loving Emotions

Self-aware

Self-loving

Empowered

Competent

Successful

Certain

Peaceful

Confident

Self-trust

Happy

Joyful

Secure

Once you have uncovered your self-judgment and truly felt it, LET IT GO! It is a piece of information about where you hold a belief that isn’t serving you, nothing more. Feel it, expose it, and move on. You will find that your self-judgments become less powerful as you become aware of them. Like any fear, self-judgments are the most ominous when left in the shadows of the unconscious. Now see if you can get in touch with how you might feel without your self-judgment.

Example: When I am not judging myself as incompetent at work, I feel empowered and successful there.

While other people’s actions impact us, our emotional experience is our own. The more we can understand, embrace, and take ownership of what we feel, the more empowered we become to chart our own emotional course. Use your emotional reactions as an opportunity to understand yourself! Even the most “negative” emotions can be rich and rewarding when used to grow your self-awareness and self-love!!

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/self-help-articles/emotional-excavation-embracing-and-understanding-how-you-feel-4701279.html

About the Author

ALEXIS WALTERS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in Los Gatos, CA. She has over a decade of experience working with adults and adolescents, covering a broad range of psychotherapeutic issues.

Embrace change. Find empowerment. Call to schedule a session today.

Alexis Walters, MA, LMFT

334 Village Lane Los Gatos CA 95030 http://alexiswalters.com/

**Phone sessions available**

Copyright 2010 ALEXIS WALTERS, LMFT – All Rights Reserved

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